Afraid of your own shadow

 

When I saw her name in the draw, I was frozen. My mind went blank momentarily. I read the draw again to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me. They were not… it was indeed her that I will be playing against in the second round. As reality sat in, I felt like crying. “Why oh why do I have to play against her of all people?

She had beaten me once before, 8 months ago. Although we were younger then but her height towers over me like David and the Goliath. She not only has the height but her body size was imposing and struck me as a fearsome opponent. My knees turned vegetable standing side by side with her. I cant help it. That was how phobia I was playing against a large opponent.

In December 2021, Selangor Badminton Association has organised a closed tournament to select a team of players to represent Selangor State Team for 2022 in the girls under 12 year old category. All I had to do was to reach the Quarters final to be admitted into the team. But she was in the way. She was my biggest stumbling block. If I falter again, I will be out of the team and had to wait for another year to attend the selection process again.

My dad tried to talk some sense into me that my game has improved very much since the MCO as I was diligently doing physical exercises during those months when we were locked in at home. My dad even drew a badminton court next to our home on an alley complete with a net. We trained daily in this makeshift court.

Be that as it may, I just could not get this fear out of my mind. You are afraid of your own shadow, he would say. You have already admitted defeat even before the game begun. I knew my mind set was not right but I needed a big mental overhaul. My dad constantly send positive messages into my head. He played you tubes of her game for me to study her strengths and weaknesses in her previous matches. Gradually I noticed she too had ups and downs in her game too. I gradually could see some optimism.

As I underwent my routine trainings, my mind never left to rest on this coming match. I trained hard like a girl on a mission. I did all the physical exercises, shuttle feeds the coach has given me. Yet I could not delay this match anymore as the days drew near. I had to face the music no matter what. My coaches gave me a great boost saying that I could beat her this time. That really helped my confidence. Thank you so much Jia Qi. She is like a big sister to me.

On the match day, my mom and dad took me early to the club for a 30 minutes court warm up. This has helped me calm my nerves as I could feel my rhythm. Our names were called and this is it! It was a 30 point match. The match started well for me as I led. I was calm and my nets were tight followed by couple of lobs back to her court. Her returns were untidy and awarded me points. After a healthy lead into the final third, she upped her game. She started to pressure me and forced me to commit some unforced errors. She caught up to level with me. I had to quickly do something different. I changed and played some net shots caught her off guard and I managed to finish the game with her closely behind by a few points. I was relieved and elated I have finally avenged my defeat 8 months ago. My parents and my team mates congratulated me. I could not belief it that I have finally beaten the player I dreaded most.

This was my most satisfying win not because I was a good player but I had overcome my mental frailties and self fear. Its in the mind as they say. How true it is. This has helped me in my future matches as well. I will always remember what my dad told me, you were only afraid of your own shadows. Go get her!